16 October 2009

A Whole in the Part

"To be perfectly honest, the thought did cross my mind. But I would never perform the thought. It forced itself upon me, I have been made a victim at the behest of some foreign side of myself. I know not, whether it dwell within me or outside; there is a quality of familiar difference."

"How dare you deflect? Who are you to have the best of both worlds. You wish to retain your honesty and your integrity while in the same moment admitting betrayal. I despise you all the more for your cowardice."

"My response, as it more of the same, will surely inflame yours. But it is my truth, and as such I must speak it, and nothing else. I would ask, in response, whether you would hold me responsible for my dreams. Or to put it another way, will you lay out your own dreams, and allow me to fault you for the transgressions, the madness, the murder within you? Do not answer, my dear, but think. Think about this, and if you come to an eventual answer, know that it will be tied to my own thought in question. For the thought enters my head as does a dream: suddenly, not lacking in violence or force, and more clearly than other, purposeful thoughts. So yes, of course I've had the thought. I did not will the thought. Were it up to will, my mind would be mine, but this is not the case. I can apologize, but an empty apology it shall have to remain, unless it is to apologize for the whole of my own being. I am willing to perform this castration, if it is what you desire. It will not be without reverberations, poetic and actual."

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